Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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