i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
