Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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