I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
