you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
