me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
