Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
