Pants 0. Shit 1.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
