Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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