I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
