Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
