i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So here I am, sexting at work.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
