I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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