go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
