I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
