I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
