i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
