i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
