made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
