i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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