I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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