you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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