Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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