Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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