You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
