1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize