You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
