11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I checked into jail on foursquare
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
