I looked at my own cervix.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
