I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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