you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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