I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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