Just fell off a train. Bad.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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