Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
