Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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