"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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