i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
