I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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