You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
