So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
