Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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