I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
