He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
