just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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