I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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