some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i will never coherently bang her
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
