after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
