My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
