She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
