so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
