You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
