do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
