You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
