I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
