honey bunches of taint.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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