dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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