I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
