He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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