Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
