U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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