he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
