I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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