I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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