I love having hate sex.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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