Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize