I didn't shave. On purpose
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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