Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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